ASBO a GoGo: Alrite, shit tits

Wowza its been a while since I managed to dust myself down, get all those empty wine bottles into the recycle and focus on some ASBO blogging. Worry not, I haven’t forgotten about you guys- even if you have started saying ‘ASBO who?’ ‘Weren't they once a crap nite out with a shit blog (circa Tramlines 2009)?’ ‘Weren't they the ones that sold out?’ The answer to all of the above is yes! Yes we are. We may have been absent from your modem...wireless internet..iphone (you ponce) but we have been keeping our heads (just) above sea level.

This summer was a biggie for me and The Lass. We started ASBO TV (c/o @toastmag) and were forced to come to terms with our own personalities. It was a hard lesson to learn I am not gunna lie- the only question I have is; how the hell have you put up with us for so long? That and, how the shit does anyone get a word in edgeways with Our Lass around? Answer: Not very often. Add our channel to your faves list and you can catch up dates from us in picture and sound. Although you may chose to exercise your mute button occasionally- just feel sorry for us that we can’t. These are our voices; we have to put up with them all of the time. Often in unison (double trouble).

We headed off to NY aswell- luckly our trip fell smack between a deadly heatwave and an equally deadly flood (and I was complaining about the wind level at the beach. Woops). As everybody knows, other people’s holidays are boring, so all I’ll say is we ate our body weight in Ray’s Pizza, saw the fit McCulkin brother and had Our Lass’ personality read by a destitute Mexican medium – who couldn’t have been more right about her sensibilities. Is it that obvious that she’s a bitch?! Oh yeah. And I saw a dead rat passed out in a bin. And by ‘saw’ I mean nearly touched.

We both hit up the pet hype –ill advised or not (some of us live in ‘pet free’ accommodation) and they’re both proper buzzing! Bug the pug and Chairman Meow the kitten (do not ask) are now fully fledged members of the ASBO cartel. Basically, they act a lot like members of the public who interact with us at ASBO nights. They drink whatever is put in front of them. No doesn’t actually mean no. And they mess with their own shit (one of these statements is only ½ true. Most people accept refusals...).

But enough of the family updates! What’s up for the future of ASBO, I hear you mumble begrudgingly. Well, let me tell you. With four residencies a month you cannot get away from us. Get these in your diary so there are no excuses:

First Friday: Green Room

Second Saturday: Commonroom

Third Friday: Bungalows and Bears

Last Friday: Lescar

As always we are available for weddings (not if you think you can get us for free though you penny pinching bastards), births (although not in the birthing room, I’ve got a proper weak stomach) and perfume parties (yes we can do classy). Book us to perform at your karaoke party/ Rock Band birthday/ anything with a microphone. We proper love warbling down a mic. Even when its 30 mins after closing time and the bar staff are almost in tears.

Pics courtesy of Paul Cantrel (he came, he saw, he took photos)

Look out for the latest ‘ASBO meets...’ in next month’s issue of Toast Magazine. We sessioned the Loveboat lads and they were so funny I had to go for a wee before we switched on the Dictaphone. Things can get messy when those guys are around. Tena Lady, anyone?